Back at it and taking it easy... only 1 week till the Clubbell Athletics Seminar

Thursday evening
Today was my first day picking up my clubbell again since Monday.
It felt so good to move my body, feeling the sway of the club, the rhythm of the swing, oh the joy of labored breathing. It felt so wonderful to be back in the gym training again. This time a much smarter and more cautious athlete.
I broke up my session into two segments doing them morning and  late afternoon as not to overdo it.
This morning I practiced the components of the Mill and it felt really solid even though I hadn't trained in 2 days. During the time I was recovering and unable to train I spent a lot of time visualizing myself training. I got so many wonderful cues and tips during my session with Summer on Monday. I wrote them down and visualized myself doing each set mentally feeling the rhythm in my body, seeing myself flowing perfectly through the moves. This technique really paid off because when I picked up the club today I was able to nail each component beautifully, It felt great!

This afternoon I worked on level 3 FlowFit. Wow, what a difference between level 2 and 3! I was averaging about 44 seconds a round with level 2 and now by increasing the difficulty of the movement to level 3, I am averaging about a 62 seconds a round!  That is quite a but slower! I know that I will quickly increase my proficiency as I continue to practice but right now it feels really really hard, yet I am really loving it!
Tomorrow I will attempt a High training day depending on how my body feels. I hope to do FlowFit in the morning and clubbells in the afternoon.
My makeup plan is to hit it hard the rest of this week.  I had Tuesday off and Wednesday was a mobility day.
Today I did the Mod workout so I plan to make Friday and Saturday High training days.
I will rest on Sunday then do Low on Monday, Mod on Tuesday and High onWednesday.
That will leave Thursday and Friday as rest days before for the seminar Saturday and Sunday...
That is the plan anyway. Ultimately my body will be the determiner...

My message to My body:
"You have my attention and I am listening. You are the boss and I will do as you say. I am resting.
I have gotten the message loud and clear!
But can we play now? Please"?????


Saturday Morning...
Friday's workout ended up being a 2 hour deep tissue massage! I woke up feeling very tight from Thursday's workout. I did not over do it but I knew I had to rethink my "plan". I am actually sore from my massage. She really worked the tissue trying to get it to release! I realize I will have to take more time off...
After talking to Emily Fisher (who wrote up my program for me) she suggested that I take a few more days to recover, to totally skip the High days and assured me that I will get everything I need at the Seminar to get a leg up before the March certification.
I did Clubbell Yoga today and I was a very good girl listening to my body and ignoring what everyone else was doing around me. It was a great practice to do what my body needed and not what the rest of the class was doing! I did the simplest of poses and didn't even use the clubbell in the first half of the class. I took child's pose many times and even did a nervous system reset with crocodile breath for a minute...  as my body allowed I was able to go a little deeper and eventually by the end of the class I was able to do the entire last flow at my normal capacity and pace. I felt very successful! I have so much more range of motion in my neck today after yesterday's massage and today's yoga. I am still experiencing pain and stiffness but I am getting better every day.
I have to admit I am a little nervous that I won't be ready for the Seminar.
I know that I have to let all expectations go and take whatever comes trusting that it will be exactly as it needs to be, but it is really hard! I do have hopes and I do have expectations of my body and I do want to be able to kill it. I don't want this lesson of stupidity to go any further than a week of  lost training!
Please body HEAL FAST!!!!
In the meantime I will keep doing gentle yoga, intu-flow, and all of the compensation and mobility for the TBF (Trial By Fire). I will also keep visualizing myself doing each of the moves perfectly again and again.
Whatever the outcome I am super excited to meet Emily and Angela and spend 2 days training with the best Clubbell Athletics coaches ever!


(Read about my injury in the previous post)

Injured !? I know better than this!

 I made a terrible mistake!

I did the very thing have been taught and that I tell my students to never do.

I trained while I was in pain and I pushed through it. I didn't listen to my body's signal and stop, I kept going. And now I am suffering the consequences!

 It began at a Primus concert on Saturday night.  I got absorbed into the edge of a mosh pit! This was my first concert experience and with this sort of thing. I was not intentionally in the mosh pit. Just by being in front of one I was smashed against several people with my head sharply turned to one side for several minutes. My hair was pulled, in all directions and I was elbowed in the head several times (disadvantage of being short in a cheering crowd).  Although I got out of this fairly quickly my body had taken quite a smashing.  I watched the remainder of the concert from the front corner where it was much safer.

The concert was awesome BTW and I would see them again, But perhaps staying on the outside edge of the crowd.

 Unfortunately I did not realize how traumatized my body was at the time. 

Sunday was just a mobility day I was not needing to push my body. When I experienced some pain with movement I just focused on the mobility of my joints and worked around it. 

Monday morning I woke up feeling very tight and had some pain in my  back left shoulder area. I was in a rush to get to my training session with Summer so I ignored it figuring I would warm up as part of my session and it would subside. I was very excited about this session. I had just started working on the Mill on my own and this was my opportunity to really pick apart the components and learn the details so that I can continue to improve. I was also ready to explore each of the advanced moves for FlowFit level 3.

 Within the first 5 minutes of my session I started to experience severe pain in my left trap and scapula area. I stopped a few times to roll it out with a lacrosse ball but It didn't do much. Summer warned me to not push it but I didn't pay attention to how much it was hurting I was focusing on learning the movements.   I continued to push through trying to ignore the pain as if it would just get the hint and go away... But it's Pain... it doesn't hear its just an alarm doing its job... and yes it got louder and hurt worse. 

I had all kinds of seemingly good arguments of why to keep going.  Such as:

I was in the middle of a personal training session, you can't just leave...

it would be inconvenient to reschedule...
I really need to learn these components so I can work on them before my seminar in 2 weeks...
I'm already here I should keep going...
maybe the pain isn't that bad...
I'll  spend extra time massaging it and rolling out afterwards...

OK, so now I realize how lame these reasons are but I didn't at the time..
Any argument or reason to not listen to my body when its giving a very loud and
clear message to STOP is insignificant.
By the end of my personal training session my pain was at a level 7.
I spent about 25 minutes rolling out, stretching and massaging it, I continued my compensation movements but the damage was already done. Within one hour I could not turn my head or raise my left arm.
I had never experienced anything quite like this. As the day progressed the pain grew worse. My pain was at a level eight and sometimes nine! I ended up having to have my daughter help me undress because I could not move lift or turn my head . I could not believe how intense the pain got. I felt so stupid! How did I let myself do this? The biggest part of why I am so drawn to CST is because it's focus is on Health first, I can hear Scott Sonnons voice in my head saying "Don't move through pain, go to the door but don't go through" 

I am listening now!

After muscle relaxers, painkillers 2 chiropractic appointments, Coach Scott's recommended McKenzie technique for neck strain and a deep tissue massage I was able to gain about 50% mobility the next day and 70% by Thursday.  I am however 100% smarter!

I suffered unnecessarily and risked being seriously injured because of my Ego and its stupidity. My lesson has been learned! I will LISTEN and Do what my body is asking for. Rest and recovery are EQUALLY as important as training and nutrition! 

Unfortunately sometimes I have to learn the hard way...

I am praying for a complete and speedy recovery so that I can get back to my training!

Much better since my meltdown!

I think I've got it. My final week of Swipe training went so much better than the previous week. I finished the year very strong. The Flow-Fit level 2 has been getting much easier and I'm finding my flow very quickly in the movements. I am averaging 47 seconds a round. That is really good. I got 21 rounds in under 17 minutes the last day of the year. I need to get 16 rounds of level 3 in 14 minutes. I feel pretty sure that I will be able to do that by March no problem.
  I do not feel super confident that I have the swipe down perfectly but I definitely felt a groove and I figured out a lot of the elements that were confusing me before. I am starting to feel more and more confident about being  able to be prepared for my seminar.
I am very much looking forward to going to the Clubbell Athletics seminar at the mid-end of January.  I know that all of my questions will be answered at that seminar. Now I just need to build up my stamina to be able to make it through a two day course of all Clubbell training.
Hooray for a break through! No more tears here ;-)

On the floor in a puddle of tears

Tuesday before Christmas...
Oh my god this is so f****** hard.
I feel so frustrated . This morning's session felt like an utter failure.
I am having the hardest time holding and balancing the clubs in order position.
I've hit myself in the head so many times that now every time I swing the clubs up to order I'm flinching which is creating stiffness and pain in my neck.
I have got to figure out what I am doing wrong. It can't be this hard! WTF
I find that sweet spot and hit it about 1x in 100!
After about 5 minutes into my workout I wanted to just throw the clubs and quit!
Roxanne kept her steady pace like a metronome as I  flailed my Clubbells about and finally yelled aloud at myself  "these are just f****** clubbells! come on!" 
Roxanne stood beside me continuing her swipes being a silent support holding space and allowing me to have my temper tantrum encouraging me to just let it out. 
I kept on task. As hard as it was I didn't quit.  I finished all the rounds
I just yelled and swore A LOT the whole rest of the time.

The self defeating thoughts finally took over as I began my cool down moving into the compensation movements and I did it, I burst into tears. As my tense muscles  released so did the wall holding back my emotion.  I cried  right there laying on the floor creating a puddle of tears. Feeling like a complete failure. I reached defeat! I have heard of this happening to people but it has never happened to me before. And now I understand the mentally defeated process on a whole new level.

Yes I am feeling physically exhausted and my body is tired, but the defeat came because I have not been taking care of myself nutritionally or emotionally. My work schedule has been extra hectic and crazy with the holidays, and I've allowed myself to become emotionally overwhelmed. I know that when I allow myself to get to this place by not doing my internal work or morning meditation that it will definitely affect me physically. My energy  goes, I feel weak and I become a total klutz.
The most simple task or communication becomes laborious and difficult.
When I am emotionally clogged I have no room in my head to focus on what I need to do. I know better than to try to come to my training sessions with my head full of unprocessed emotional baggage.
My lesson here is to do my emotional clearing on a regular basis so that I don't get backed up.
It's different when you're running or hitting mindless cardio you can get a release of endorphin's and sometimes sort everything out in your head while you're moving, But when it comes to technical movement that you're trying to learn you've got to have your head in the game. You must be fully present otherwise injury is often the result. I know that I've got to get my s*** together do my emotional processing work so that I have a clear head and I can do what I need to do to get through this intense process.
This is true in all areas of live. In order to be present and show up fully we need to take care of our emotional being on a consistent basis. This is a huge part of self care. Be in each moment, express yourself fully and don't shelf things to be dealt with later.

The Swipe (why is this so hard?)

I have been working on the swipe specifically for the last week and a half.
It is quite the complex movement.
The drills that I am doing are

Rockit (pulsing in a low squat while swinging the clubs forward and back).

Swing  (squat down bringing the clubs behind you then hip thrust  and allow the clubs to swing forward. Much like a Kettlebell swing but with the clubs on the outside.) 

The clubs are too far back at  the bottom of the swing here

Pendulum:  (same as swing but bringing the clubs up into order position balancing them  in front of you elbows at 90°)

Shoulder cast: (order position then driving the elbows up bringing the clubs behind you then back down into order position.)

and finally
Technical Swing
(Put it all together into a swing with a pause in order position.)

I am doing each move for 30 seconds on, 30 seconds rest 4 times through twice a week then 90 seconds on 30 seconds rest 2x through twice a week.
some days this does not feel like enough work and other days it feels like plenty.
I understand what the move is supposed to look like but my body does not yet understand how to do it with the flow and grace.
I am still very much in my head trying to figure out all of the intricate dynamic details of the movements.
I think I have the rockit and swing down  but  the pendulum and shoulder cast is very difficult for me to nail.
I've had to dropped down to a very light weight several times just to get the movement down.  It has been very difficult for me specifically on my left side. Trying to hold the clubs with just the right amount of tension so I'm not giving them the death grip at the same time not letting them teeter and hit me in the head, (which they have many times), has been very interesting.
Next week I am supposed to move on to  the components of the Mill. I can't imagine  that I will have the Swipe down by then. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the difficulty. I do not feel like I am getting enough intensity in my conditioning because I am still so choppy with the movements.
Feel like I already need to have plan B.
I don't want to deviate from the plan that Emily made for me but I do not think I'm a progressing as quickly as she perhaps anticipated... I feel like I need at least 1000 more repetitions of each movement before I can really know what I'm doing...

This shit is so technical
is and foreign to me...

 

The Program...

 I have chosen to hire Emily Fisher co-owner and founder of Clubbell Athletics to put together a very specific program to prepare me for the certification ahead.  She,as a Head Coach, will also be one of the instructors at the certification in March.  She and her sister Angela are considered to be the clubbell experts so I figured she would be one of the best people to program for me to get ready.

The program is detailed and has every day planned for the next 12 weeks. It is quite different then the generic 3 month CST and TACFIT programs that I was following.
Some  workouts are easier than what I had planned and some are much harder.
I am trusting by doing the work I will be prepared even though sometimes it doesn't feel like enough volume.

Emily has recommended that I focus specifically on the CST and Clubbell  portions and not worry about the TACFIT.  I have been doing TACFIT 26  for some time now so she feels it is not necessary and that I need to focus more on what I am not yet good at.
The final month of my training I will be implementing all three  factors TACFIT,   Flow-Fit and the trial by fire movements for CST.
I have had a few sessions with Summer and am having her really pick apart each of the moves to help me understand  what they are supposed to feel like inside my body. The clubs are still very foreign to me. However I am definitely getting better at flow fit and I have more of an understanding and I am moving better for sure.
I guess this is the part where now I just do the work and trust that it will be enough....

Being Present

  Although it is Wednesday and I have already had 3 days of training in this week I keep going back to wanting to write about my Saturday morning Clubbell Yoga session. It was fantastic. Although my body was sore and fatigued from my hard hitting week of training doubles, my muscles felt mobile, flexible, firm and alive. I was able to access a few new poses and binds that I have struggled with in the past. I was present with my body feeling so grateful and connected. I LOVE CLUBBELL YOGA. It feels like my reward from all the hard training I do all week. This may sound funny considering it is a kick ass 75 minute sweat session! My body just jives with it. I think it is that I have practiced it enough now that the union of my breath with movement happens more naturally and I easily get into a place of flow that puts me into a state of presence.

Being Present had been a struggle for me in the past. My personality as a little fireball go-getter has me running from one thing to the next juggling many plates in the air all at once. I do get a lot done in a day, more than most, but it comes with a price... Lack of Presence... I seem to have an inexhaustible energy to get things done that comes from I don't know where. Perhaps growing up in a family of 16 and there ALWAYS being work to get done I never developed the understand of rest or relaxation. Now as a single parent, running my own business while starting an additional fitness business and constantly learning new methods and systems of training, I have little down time. It is very tempting and habitual to be many places at once in my mind.

 In my conversion from religion to spiritual awakening over the past several years I have been introduced to meditation as a way to become more present. There are many forms and methods which I have tried. I get better and better with practice but as a kinesthetic person it takes physicality to hold my attention. Just adding movement to my breathing and feeling my body work brings me into a present state. Movement meditation can be as simple as washing the dishes for me. Methodical thoughtless movement bringing me to mindful presence.

This is another reason I love training hard with complex movement, it demands my full attention. When I am pushing my body to its limits or playing with a new movement I forget about everything else. If when balancing heavy clubbells in guard position, my mind wanders for a second, I lose it (and often hit myself in the head ;-/). If while practicing my hand balancing I start to think about anything else I fall. Movement training is a break from my habitual multitasking jumbled thoughts.
I am forced to be present.

Training with the Clubbells is very much  new and complex for me. I am still totally in my head with the movements. I am learning to trust my body's ability to move fluidly. I often get too worried about doing the movement textbook perfect and I make it harder than it needs to be.  It has been a learning curve to accept that my curvy 5'1" body will look very different doing the movement than most other people. As I continue to practice and hone my skill to the point of not needing to think about each component my focus will shift to my breath the movement will follow I will find the flow. There is a lot of learning and understanding of the movement that needs to happen until then but that is why it is called training...

   The best cross over of all is that as I continue being present in my training I am able to be more present in my daily life and thus finding flow in everything I do.

One thing at a time. One moment at a time. All that exists right now is this very moment
and I am so grateful for that!